there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
