ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
