You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She even gives head with a lisp.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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