she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
