Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
