I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
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