i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I had to cum in my sink.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
