So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
