omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
