david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
