so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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