dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize