Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
