i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
