Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
