and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she looked like the before picture.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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