omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize