Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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