HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
