i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Randomize
