You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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