just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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