Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize