i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Someone shattered a urinal.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
