you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
