Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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