grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
