how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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