Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize