Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
