so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
