Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
