I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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