I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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