You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
