I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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