If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
