I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just gift wrapped bread.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
