smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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