someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
