i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
