You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
