We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
