who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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