We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You smell like stripper and shame
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
