By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
