you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
