it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
