I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
