so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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