Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
