you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
