you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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