I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
