I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
