Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Let's paint friendship bongs
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
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