I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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