we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
