I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
