Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I need water and some morals
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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