she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
