so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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