The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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