He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
