guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
