When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i think my cat just said my name.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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