She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
