There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I would ride that face into the sunset
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
