i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
