I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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