i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
