i think my tv is drunk
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
