I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
