We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
