You don't have asthma, your pregnant
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
