Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
