He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
