he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
