Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
